This is some of what I've learned over the last 10+ years about marriage about how to make a relationship work.
1. Laugh...a lot, at situations, at life, at yourself. So much horrible stuff can happen in the world, but if you take it seriously ALL the time, then you'll just be irritated and angry. Sometimes it's just best to laugh about it and then try to solve the problem, whatever it may be.
2. Let the little things go. So what if he can't seem to stack the dishwasher properly! So what that he can't fold laundry. Is it really that important? Don't nag him about it...just think about all the things he can do, like clean out the nasty leaves in the drains on the roof or wash the car. So what if she leaves her makeup on the counter! So what if she forgot to shut off the heat or a/c! Don't make her feel bad about it...just think about all the things she did that week: grocery shopping, making dinner, etc. (My husband still has some work to do on this one, some days. HAHA.) Just let it all go...and do #1: LAUGH.
3. Spend some time together in the present - without distractions of the phone, the computer, the kids. Even if it's just a few moments, laughing about something silly, tickling each other out of the blue, or kissing each other like you did back in the "old days", just do it. People need that connection.
4. Remember the good times. Look back at old photos to remember when. Think back to when you first met. All relationships have history. If you remember your relationship throughout its time - not just when you're arguing about housework or lack of sleep - you'll remember all the things about your significant other that made you fall in love with him/her in the first place.
5. Don't place too much importance on symbols. It's not uncommon to hear: a spouse is upset that his/her significant other doesn't wear a wedding band. Sure, this could be a sign of a problem - I admit that. But sometimes that's a symptom of a bigger problem...other times, it doesn't mean anything. I don't always wear my wedding band. In the winter months, I apply hand cream like a madwoman or my skin gets dry. Sometimes I forget to put it back on. It doesn't mean I don't love my husband. Likewise, get this: my husband lost his ring a couple years ago. We haven't replaced it. Why? It's just a symbol; it's not the end-all-be-all representation of how much we love one another. Eventually, we'll get it replaced. It's not on our priority list.
2. Let the little things go. So what if he can't seem to stack the dishwasher properly! So what that he can't fold laundry. Is it really that important? Don't nag him about it...just think about all the things he can do, like clean out the nasty leaves in the drains on the roof or wash the car. So what if she leaves her makeup on the counter! So what if she forgot to shut off the heat or a/c! Don't make her feel bad about it...just think about all the things she did that week: grocery shopping, making dinner, etc. (My husband still has some work to do on this one, some days. HAHA.) Just let it all go...and do #1: LAUGH.
3. Spend some time together in the present - without distractions of the phone, the computer, the kids. Even if it's just a few moments, laughing about something silly, tickling each other out of the blue, or kissing each other like you did back in the "old days", just do it. People need that connection.
4. Remember the good times. Look back at old photos to remember when. Think back to when you first met. All relationships have history. If you remember your relationship throughout its time - not just when you're arguing about housework or lack of sleep - you'll remember all the things about your significant other that made you fall in love with him/her in the first place.
5. Don't place too much importance on symbols. It's not uncommon to hear: a spouse is upset that his/her significant other doesn't wear a wedding band. Sure, this could be a sign of a problem - I admit that. But sometimes that's a symptom of a bigger problem...other times, it doesn't mean anything. I don't always wear my wedding band. In the winter months, I apply hand cream like a madwoman or my skin gets dry. Sometimes I forget to put it back on. It doesn't mean I don't love my husband. Likewise, get this: my husband lost his ring a couple years ago. We haven't replaced it. Why? It's just a symbol; it's not the end-all-be-all representation of how much we love one another. Eventually, we'll get it replaced. It's not on our priority list.
And while I am sure there are other tried-and-true things that make a relationship work, these were the first five that popped in my head...the obvious things like trust, communication, and respect goes without saying, right?
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