My daughter....is like a mini-me. Heaven help me.

My daughter is getting to that age where crushes are pretty common.  She tells me about who has a crush on whom...and in her class, that happens to be a lot.  She decided a couple years ago that crushes were "too much work" and fortunately, for me (and her Daddy), she is still thinking that way.  Our daughter had explained why: "When I was in preschool, I had a crush on Reid.  Katrina also had a crush on him.  And when you have a crush, then you have to try to get his attention.  That's too much work, so I don't have a crush on anyone."

But what happens when someone has a crush on her?  Well, read on.  Today's conversation went something like this:

Daughter: Guess what?


Me: What?


Daughter: Kasie (her friend) has a friend in 3rd grade and her friend told her that a boy has a crush on me.


Me: How did she know that?


Daughter: Her friend heard about it, went up to him and asked.  The boy admitted that he had a crush on me.


Me: Who's the boy?


Daughter: I don't know.  His name is Chris.


Me: You don't know him?


Daughter: No.


Me: Well then how does he know you?


Daughter: I have no idea.


Me: What did you say to Kasie when she told you?


Daughter: So what!?

I sort of feel bad for that little boy.  What attitude she has.  And all my friends can say to me is, "That's you.  She's a little you.  Good luck with that," as they laugh.

Actually, if she keeps on this track, at least she's keeping the boys at bay.  That's a good thing, right?

Kids are growing up so much earlier.  I can't even fathom the thought of a first date.  When are kids starting to date nowadays?  How many more years do I have before I have to worry about her dating?

What I've Learned About Marriage

In less than a month, my husband and I will be celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary.  We've made it through some pretty rough times and while I have to admit it's not always chocolate and roses, we have a good marriage.  We have a good time together, laughing and joking around.  We communicate, but most of all, we sincerely trust and love one another.

This is some of what I've learned over the last 10+ years about marriage about how to make a relationship work.

1. Laugh...a lot, at situations, at life, at yourself.  So much horrible stuff can happen in the world, but if you take it seriously ALL the time, then you'll just be irritated and angry.  Sometimes it's just best to laugh about it and then try to solve the problem, whatever it may be.

2. Let the little things go.  So what if he can't seem to stack the dishwasher properly!  So what that he can't fold laundry.  Is it really that important?  Don't nag him about it...just think about all the things he can do, like clean out the nasty leaves in the drains on the roof or wash the car.  So what if she leaves her makeup on the counter!  So what if she forgot to shut off the heat or a/c!  Don't make her feel bad about it...just think about all the things she did that week: grocery shopping, making dinner, etc.  (My husband still has some work to do on this one, some days. HAHA.)  Just let it all go...and do #1: LAUGH. 

3. Spend some time together in the present - without distractions of the phone, the computer, the kids.  Even if it's just a few moments, laughing about something silly, tickling each other out of the blue, or kissing each other like you did back in the "old days", just do it.  People need that connection. 

4. Remember the good times.  Look back at old photos to remember when.  Think back to when you first met.  All relationships have history.  If you remember your relationship throughout its time - not just when you're arguing about housework or lack of sleep - you'll remember all the things about your significant other that made you fall in love with him/her in the first place.

5.  Don't place too much importance on symbols.  It's not uncommon to hear:  a spouse is upset that his/her significant other doesn't wear a wedding band.  Sure, this could be a sign of a problem - I admit that.  But sometimes that's a symptom of a bigger problem...other times, it doesn't mean anything.  I don't always wear my wedding band.  In the winter months, I apply hand cream like a madwoman or my skin gets dry.  Sometimes I forget to put it back on.  It doesn't mean I don't love my husband.  Likewise, get this: my husband lost his ring a couple years ago.  We haven't replaced it.  Why?  It's just a symbol; it's not the end-all-be-all representation of how much we love one another.  Eventually, we'll get it replaced. It's not on our priority list.

And while I am sure there are other tried-and-true things that make a relationship work, these were the first five that popped in my head...the obvious things like trust, communication, and respect goes without saying, right?

The Pumpkin Patch

Every year, my husband and I take our kids to the Pumpkin Patch - to pick out a couple pumpkins, take some photos, and have some fun.  It's our ritual, our little family tradition.  It's usually a nice, relaxing, and inexpensive afternoon.  Today, it was $34.00 - for two pumpkins and 2 tickets for the train ride.  Seriously?

When did this become such an expensive undertaking?  When did I become old enough to start saying, "Remember when it used to cost...blah blah blah?"

Despite the highway robbery disguised as pumpkin purchasing, the kids had a good time.  My son had a great time; from petting and feeding the rabbits to sitting on a tractor, from running through the hay bale maze to riding on the train, the kid had a blast.  Of course, he's two and easily entertained.  My daughter had a good time, too, but I'm sure she's more excited about actually carving the pumpkins, which we'll probably do next Saturday. The fact that she's "old" now frightens me - she's too "old" to ride the train.  When did my little girl get so big? 

Overall, it was a good time and we've continued our family tradition.  I don't recall any Halloween family traditions growing up - I'm not sure if that's due to my horrible memory or the fact that as a child of a single mom, we just didn't really "do" Halloween, save for, of course, my trick-or-treating.  So, I do my best to keep the traditions alive. Hopefully, they will last for awhile.  At what age will our kids not want to be around us? 

Me FIRST!

Most of the time, I think the "me first!" attitude comes primarily from children.  They haven't quite yet mastered the art of manners.  However, recently I have been noticing some really rude behavior at work - a college campus.  Here are two specific scenarios that occurred yesterday:

Scenario #1
Location: campus parking lot
I am a few steps from my car.  A female in a car drives by and stops.  I'm thinking she wants my space.  I then see a guy in another car who puts his car in reverse, "You leaving?" he asks me.  I tell him, "Yes, but I think that woman is waiting for my car."  As I am about to get into my car, I look over and see there is another car pulling out and say, "Oh, maybe she's waiting for that other one."  The guy growls at me, "Get in your car.  I know what's going on.  Just go." 


What an ass.  He isn't "entitled" to my space.  Seriously, at this point, I was just about to retrieve my stuff, head back to campus and get a cup of coffee...just so the guy would have had to search for another space.  But alas, I'm a busy person and had a lunch meeting off-campus.


Scenario #2:
Location: Campus Building First Floor by elevator
I am waiting at the elevator, a few steps away from the door.  A guy walks in after me, waits with me, and then cuts me off to get in first.  (This scenario actually happens a lot to people.  I see it happen on a daily basis.) 

Now, many of you may assume that the "guys" described above are college students, but guess what!  I am actually talking about faculty/staff.  Seriously, a lot of my colleagues must feel like they are entitled to more on this planet than others.  Maybe it's because I look young for my age, so they think I am a student and not a peer, but even so, there is no need to treat people in general the way they do. 

Maybe I was just having an off day.  I don't know. 

A tribute to my father-in-law

I remember the first time I was to meet Jim. I was 21. I was terrified. On the drive to his house, I kept worrying about whether he would like me, what he would think about me. I never had much experience with military families and in my head, I imagined Jim as this very strict military man, someone who was always serious.

I was wrong. When I first met him, sure, he seemed a little bit quiet, but he was incredibly sweet - gracious and friendly. And over the next 16 years, I realized how he was the complete opposite of what I had imagined he might be like.

Jim always made me feel welcome. In fact, we spent a lot of time at the kitchen table talking. This is where I learned the most about him, about his life in West Virginia, about his successes outbidding people on ebay, about how he could fix this or that in the house by just researching the information. I loved our talks.

I loved how he always affectionately called Kaoru "the wife" while tilting his head in her direction.
I loved how he moved his fingers as if he was typing when he said, "I just got on the computer and...dut dut dut dut dut"
I loved how Jim would shake his head and walk away, embarrassed, when Kaoru told me how Jim would get crazy with his friends while singing karaoke.

Jim was also known for being a saavy consumer. He made sure to research products from every possible angle to ensure the best deal before he actually purchased it. Any time Ken and I were unsure about a particular purchase, Ken would say, "Let me ask my Dad." We always knew we could count on him to know the answer…or to find out the answer.

There are so many memories that I have of Jim, but the ones I cherish the most are the ones of him with his grandchildren. He was a hands-on kind of grandfather - the kind that sat on the floor right next to them, the kind that lifted them up to show them the view from where he stood - way up high- the kind that shared his recliner and snuggled with them, the kind that could be heard giggling with them - their squeals of laughter mixed with his boyish laugh.

Jim was a concerned parent, a thoughtful father-in-law, and a doting grandfather. I couldn't have asked for anyone better. We will miss his guidance, his advice, and his love.

Protect Yourself....from Fraud

Some of you may remember that once upon a time I was a victim of bank fraud: approximately $5,000 was taken from our checking accounts; some a** went to multiple ATMs and withdrew hundreds of dollars at a time.   Fortunately, it was resolved, but it was still a horrible experience.

Then, a few months ago, we received a $2500 lens in the mail.  My parents have been known to order/have shipped presents and some businesses don't always list packages as a gift, so we weren't sure if it was an error or a gift.  We called my parents; they didn't send it.  My husband emailed the company and said, "We didn't order this.  Can you tell me who ordered it or how it was paid?"  The business said they were unable to do that.  !!??  Weird, right? We checked our credit card statements online.  Nothing had been posted.  

So we waited.  If we shipped it back, we'd lose $200 in shipping costs - for something we never ordered. 

The following week, one of our credit card bills came...with a $2500+ charge on it.  We called the credit card company to find out what we could do.  They said it sounded like fraud.  It often happens that a person will try to charge something as a test, but then they'll get locked out after the order was placed. They took the information, noted fraud, and contacted the company.

A detective later called my husband to get some information.  They found the person(s) who committed the fraud and was gathering evidence.

I think with the internet, these things happen more often.  Over the course of the past few years, I have learned a few tips about how to avoid being a victim of fraud or identity theft:

1. Obviously don't post your personal information online: full name, birthday, etc. 

2. Refrain from mentioning your exact birthday.  In a blog, it's easy to just say, "Today's my birthday.  I'm XX years old today."  From that, a person knows your exact date of birth.  On myspace, people generally have their birthdays up for everyone to see.  Mine is wrong...and as far as myspace knows, I am an elderly, aging senior over the age of 65. ;) haha.

3. When using an ATM machine, make sure NO ONE can see the card numbers or you pushing in the pin number - and I am not talking about just the people standing behind you.  There have been some reports of people using the zoon lens on camcorders from further away.

4. Phishing is a common practice.  NEVER, NEVER click onto a link from an email when it asks you to verify your account information, pin numbers, etc.  I have received numberous emails from so-called banks, stating that my accounts need verification.  The best ones are from banks I have never done business with.

5. Shred information with your full name and address on it.  Sure, it's a pain, but in the end, it could save you a lot more heartache.

For steps to take if you have been a victim of identity theft, check out this website:

http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/pubs/credit/idcrisis.shtm

Love or Money?

A funny conversation with a nine-year-old...

The other night, my daughter and I watched the season finale of Survivor (We Tivo'd it.) and were disappointed when Amanda didn't win. She was more upset about it than I was because she didn't like that Parvati backstabbed her original alliance. 

So, my daughter said, "Aw.  I wanted Amanda to win."


And I said, "Yea, but at least she met Ozzy.  That's a positive."


She said, "Yea, that's true.  Ozzy is nice."


Then, I asked, "What you you prefer: to meet a boy who said he loves you and you like him back...or...a million dollars?"


She looks at me and says, "Well, that's an obvious answer.  A million dollars, of course."

Obviously, it is an easy answer for her considering the fact that she's only 9 years old and boys are still, for the most part, gross and annoying.  But for many, this is still a difficult question.

What Goes Together....

Peanut butter and jelly; cake and ice cream; vodka and orange juice; M&Ms and soft serve; money in my wallet (haha)....the list goes on.

We all know what goes together, or at least, what we feel goes together. I'm a basic person - I don't veer to far from the unusual, at least when it comes to food.  The Food Channel has opened my eyes to some weird foods.  My husband was watching some show the other night where the adventurous, wealthy patrons were paying to go to an event to eat things like snakes, mice, spiders, and other - in my opinion - nasty a** stuff.  I couldn't watch it.  I sat there for a minute and thought, "Ew.  Who the hell pays an exorbitant amount of money to EAT this gross crap??"  I mean, they are paying to eat it, not the other way around??  Watching starving contestants on Survivor eat cow intestines (or whatever) is one thing, but at least they are trying to WIN something - and watching that makes me squeamish. 

Clearly, I am just not that adventurous when it comes to food.  The most daring food I've tried was Uni (a type of sushi) and I spit it out.  My son, on the other hand, is definitely a daredevil who loves trying different things - that's what I think, anyhow.  Last night, he made this:

Check it out closely. 
That's stir fried veggies (in Sesame Ginger sauce) floating in miso soup with milk. 

And I may not be a terrific cook, but I promise you that I did not make that.  He mixed it all up.  One would think that after experimenting with the flavors, he would then push away the nasty combination; one would be wrong.  He continued to eat the mixture. 

It took every ounce of self-control not to stop him.  I want him to explore - and mixing foods and eating it is okay.  Obviously, exploring how the food looks on the wall or the floor would be too much exploration for this mother to allow, but I think mixing and eating things is pretty harmless.  And I think it's good to try new things.  Who knows?  He could be the next Top Chef.  The other night, one of the groups mixed chocolate with other stuff that most would not think would go with it....but that group won. 

So, even though *I* don't think it goes together, maybe Sesame Ginger marinated veggies in miso soup milk tastes good.  Maybe not.

To my darling son

It amazes me how much you've grown - all the things you can do by yourself, the little things that fascinate you.

One of your favorite things is dancing...to Justin Timberlake's Sexyback.  During Ellen DeGeneres' dancing sequence, you'll happily dance along with her.

You're also SO NEAT.  The other day, on our walk, we saw some rocks that had been pushed out of its boundaries (on someone's property) and you picked up the stray rocks and put them back where they belonged.  You also love to help clean.  The other day, when I was dusting, you wanted to help, so I gave you a rag and you started wiping things: the dishwasher, the cabinets, the refrigerator.

But I have to say that probably one of your most favorite things is CARS - anything with wheels.  You love to push the cars and trucks around the house.  Also, you'll change it up and push around the baby stroller.  Outside, you'll alternate from pushing the grocery cart and the bus on our walks.

You love opening and closing things.  Easter was a great example.  You wanted to open the eggs (the plastic ones) to see what was in there.  You happily ate the goldfish crackers you found in some and smiled when you found small cars in the large eggs.

At the park, you love to swing, and swing, and swing.  You also love to climb things.  The other day at the park, you wanted to climb the large structures rather than play on the 2-5 year old structure.  You definitely have no fear.

Carpool Cheater

Being that I am a regular driver in the carpool lane, driving my kids from here to there, I get to see carpool cheaters weekly.  You know the cheaters - the single drivers who think the cops aren't around, the ones who just NEED to get somewhere and didn't leave earlier, so they jump into the carpool lane, hoping they won't get caught!

They annoy me. Generally, these cheaters always choose to cut right in front of me.  Instead of waiting to go behind me (when there's no car there), they dive into the small space between the car in front of me...and me.  I assume they think this will help keep the cops off them, hiding in between two legitimate carpooling vehicles.

I had always wondered if they ever get caught, get ticketed.  The other day I found out.

As I was driving up the ramp in the carpool lane, I looked at the very long line in the regular lane.  All of a sudden, a car jumped right in front of me.  I thought, "STUPID!  And is there even a passenger in that car? Gah! I hope he gets a ticket!" A few seconds later, we make it up to the stoplight before getting onto the freeway. 

And guess what we see?

That's right, the California Highway Patrol!



Bwhahahaha.

Stupid a**. Served him right.  I see the driver pointing to the back of the car.  The patrolman looks more closely (he's standing on the side of the ramp with about five other cheaters' vehicles) and then tells him to pull over!

That's karma, baby.

That made my day.  Maybe it helped that he was a cute patrolman and he winked at me.  Whatever the case, I fought the morning traffic with a smile on my face.

More Things Kids Say

My daughter rented one of Hannah Montana's movies and was talking about Hannah Montana/Mylie Cyrus. 

I asked her, "Would you ever want to be famous?"

"NO!" she replied.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Well, then I'd never get to sleep," she exclaimed.

A child just like me - protecting her sleep at all costs! haha. 

Compliments

During a class discussion, we somehow got onto the topic of compliments.  One of the students shared what her sociology teacher taught in class: compliments actually degrade one's self.  For example, if I went up to a friend and said, "Wow.  What a cute haircut," I am also starting to think things like, "Why can't my hair look as good as her hair."  Thus, I would be degrading myself by complimenting another.

A fellow student spoke up and disagreed, stating that she gives compliments all the time - most of the time when she doesn't mean it.  She'll see someone wearing the most hideous skirt she's ever seen and will say, "What a pretty skirt!!!"  In the student's mind, she's making the ugly skirted girl feel better; the student also feels good about her own self, being that she isn't wearing the hideous skirt.

I think giving false compliments is wrong.  To me, there's no point in going up to someone with bad skin and saying, "What beautiful skin you have!"  I also don't think I'm degrading myself when I compliment someone, but I notice I have been hesitant to give out compliments.  As for taking them, it depends on the person.  I don't trust most of my students' compliments, thinking they are just kissing my butt to get on my good side. HAHA