Girl Drama

As women, the majority get caught up in girl drama, even if we try to avoid it. It just happens. Either we get too emotional or we have what we deem "psycho friends" who stir shit up. It is what it is.

Fortunately, most of us outgrow it...or just decide not to deal with that crap anymore and move on. I am one of those "F*** it" type people. I do what I do...and try not to get involved in any drama. So, I thought I was done with all that.

Too bad I forgot I have a tween daughter that will be going through it...erhm, NOW.

Damn.

What is it about females that they have to get all drama-like about friendships. "She's trying to steal my friend." "She's getting all hangy-on with my friend." "I don't like so-and-so, but I know you're friends with her. I don't want to put you in the middle, but I can't believe she did...this...and that...and blah blah blah."

C R A P.

They are only 10. This is only the beginning.

Add puberty, boys, and hormones to this girl drama....and what will I get?

TOTURE. PAIN. HORRIFIC NIGHTMARES TO COME.

Just kill me now. It will be less painful than what the next few years will bring.

Trying this blog thing again

I've been a blogger for years. I originally started it to "journal" more. I had always been a person who kept a journal of my life: my high school drama, college escapades, travels to other countries. In fact, I still have them though I don't read them.

So, I started blogging and loved it, but then I started blogging for the wrong reasons. I blogged more for the comments than for myself. And while I enjoyed the feedback and the popularity while it lasted, because it wasn't for me, it didn't "stick." I have blog-sites I hardly use.

This is another attempt - new site, new beginning: this blog is for me. If people read it, so be it. If they don't, it was for me anyhow...so I'm okay with that.

My daughter....is like a mini-me. Heaven help me.

My daughter is getting to that age where crushes are pretty common.  She tells me about who has a crush on whom...and in her class, that happens to be a lot.  She decided a couple years ago that crushes were "too much work" and fortunately, for me (and her Daddy), she is still thinking that way.  Our daughter had explained why: "When I was in preschool, I had a crush on Reid.  Katrina also had a crush on him.  And when you have a crush, then you have to try to get his attention.  That's too much work, so I don't have a crush on anyone."

But what happens when someone has a crush on her?  Well, read on.  Today's conversation went something like this:

Daughter: Guess what?


Me: What?


Daughter: Kasie (her friend) has a friend in 3rd grade and her friend told her that a boy has a crush on me.


Me: How did she know that?


Daughter: Her friend heard about it, went up to him and asked.  The boy admitted that he had a crush on me.


Me: Who's the boy?


Daughter: I don't know.  His name is Chris.


Me: You don't know him?


Daughter: No.


Me: Well then how does he know you?


Daughter: I have no idea.


Me: What did you say to Kasie when she told you?


Daughter: So what!?

I sort of feel bad for that little boy.  What attitude she has.  And all my friends can say to me is, "That's you.  She's a little you.  Good luck with that," as they laugh.

Actually, if she keeps on this track, at least she's keeping the boys at bay.  That's a good thing, right?

Kids are growing up so much earlier.  I can't even fathom the thought of a first date.  When are kids starting to date nowadays?  How many more years do I have before I have to worry about her dating?

What I've Learned About Marriage

In less than a month, my husband and I will be celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary.  We've made it through some pretty rough times and while I have to admit it's not always chocolate and roses, we have a good marriage.  We have a good time together, laughing and joking around.  We communicate, but most of all, we sincerely trust and love one another.

This is some of what I've learned over the last 10+ years about marriage about how to make a relationship work.

1. Laugh...a lot, at situations, at life, at yourself.  So much horrible stuff can happen in the world, but if you take it seriously ALL the time, then you'll just be irritated and angry.  Sometimes it's just best to laugh about it and then try to solve the problem, whatever it may be.

2. Let the little things go.  So what if he can't seem to stack the dishwasher properly!  So what that he can't fold laundry.  Is it really that important?  Don't nag him about it...just think about all the things he can do, like clean out the nasty leaves in the drains on the roof or wash the car.  So what if she leaves her makeup on the counter!  So what if she forgot to shut off the heat or a/c!  Don't make her feel bad about it...just think about all the things she did that week: grocery shopping, making dinner, etc.  (My husband still has some work to do on this one, some days. HAHA.)  Just let it all go...and do #1: LAUGH. 

3. Spend some time together in the present - without distractions of the phone, the computer, the kids.  Even if it's just a few moments, laughing about something silly, tickling each other out of the blue, or kissing each other like you did back in the "old days", just do it.  People need that connection. 

4. Remember the good times.  Look back at old photos to remember when.  Think back to when you first met.  All relationships have history.  If you remember your relationship throughout its time - not just when you're arguing about housework or lack of sleep - you'll remember all the things about your significant other that made you fall in love with him/her in the first place.

5.  Don't place too much importance on symbols.  It's not uncommon to hear:  a spouse is upset that his/her significant other doesn't wear a wedding band.  Sure, this could be a sign of a problem - I admit that.  But sometimes that's a symptom of a bigger problem...other times, it doesn't mean anything.  I don't always wear my wedding band.  In the winter months, I apply hand cream like a madwoman or my skin gets dry.  Sometimes I forget to put it back on.  It doesn't mean I don't love my husband.  Likewise, get this: my husband lost his ring a couple years ago.  We haven't replaced it.  Why?  It's just a symbol; it's not the end-all-be-all representation of how much we love one another.  Eventually, we'll get it replaced. It's not on our priority list.

And while I am sure there are other tried-and-true things that make a relationship work, these were the first five that popped in my head...the obvious things like trust, communication, and respect goes without saying, right?

The Pumpkin Patch

Every year, my husband and I take our kids to the Pumpkin Patch - to pick out a couple pumpkins, take some photos, and have some fun.  It's our ritual, our little family tradition.  It's usually a nice, relaxing, and inexpensive afternoon.  Today, it was $34.00 - for two pumpkins and 2 tickets for the train ride.  Seriously?

When did this become such an expensive undertaking?  When did I become old enough to start saying, "Remember when it used to cost...blah blah blah?"

Despite the highway robbery disguised as pumpkin purchasing, the kids had a good time.  My son had a great time; from petting and feeding the rabbits to sitting on a tractor, from running through the hay bale maze to riding on the train, the kid had a blast.  Of course, he's two and easily entertained.  My daughter had a good time, too, but I'm sure she's more excited about actually carving the pumpkins, which we'll probably do next Saturday. The fact that she's "old" now frightens me - she's too "old" to ride the train.  When did my little girl get so big? 

Overall, it was a good time and we've continued our family tradition.  I don't recall any Halloween family traditions growing up - I'm not sure if that's due to my horrible memory or the fact that as a child of a single mom, we just didn't really "do" Halloween, save for, of course, my trick-or-treating.  So, I do my best to keep the traditions alive. Hopefully, they will last for awhile.  At what age will our kids not want to be around us? 

Me FIRST!

Most of the time, I think the "me first!" attitude comes primarily from children.  They haven't quite yet mastered the art of manners.  However, recently I have been noticing some really rude behavior at work - a college campus.  Here are two specific scenarios that occurred yesterday:

Scenario #1
Location: campus parking lot
I am a few steps from my car.  A female in a car drives by and stops.  I'm thinking she wants my space.  I then see a guy in another car who puts his car in reverse, "You leaving?" he asks me.  I tell him, "Yes, but I think that woman is waiting for my car."  As I am about to get into my car, I look over and see there is another car pulling out and say, "Oh, maybe she's waiting for that other one."  The guy growls at me, "Get in your car.  I know what's going on.  Just go." 


What an ass.  He isn't "entitled" to my space.  Seriously, at this point, I was just about to retrieve my stuff, head back to campus and get a cup of coffee...just so the guy would have had to search for another space.  But alas, I'm a busy person and had a lunch meeting off-campus.


Scenario #2:
Location: Campus Building First Floor by elevator
I am waiting at the elevator, a few steps away from the door.  A guy walks in after me, waits with me, and then cuts me off to get in first.  (This scenario actually happens a lot to people.  I see it happen on a daily basis.) 

Now, many of you may assume that the "guys" described above are college students, but guess what!  I am actually talking about faculty/staff.  Seriously, a lot of my colleagues must feel like they are entitled to more on this planet than others.  Maybe it's because I look young for my age, so they think I am a student and not a peer, but even so, there is no need to treat people in general the way they do. 

Maybe I was just having an off day.  I don't know. 

A tribute to my father-in-law

I remember the first time I was to meet Jim. I was 21. I was terrified. On the drive to his house, I kept worrying about whether he would like me, what he would think about me. I never had much experience with military families and in my head, I imagined Jim as this very strict military man, someone who was always serious.

I was wrong. When I first met him, sure, he seemed a little bit quiet, but he was incredibly sweet - gracious and friendly. And over the next 16 years, I realized how he was the complete opposite of what I had imagined he might be like.

Jim always made me feel welcome. In fact, we spent a lot of time at the kitchen table talking. This is where I learned the most about him, about his life in West Virginia, about his successes outbidding people on ebay, about how he could fix this or that in the house by just researching the information. I loved our talks.

I loved how he always affectionately called Kaoru "the wife" while tilting his head in her direction.
I loved how he moved his fingers as if he was typing when he said, "I just got on the computer and...dut dut dut dut dut"
I loved how Jim would shake his head and walk away, embarrassed, when Kaoru told me how Jim would get crazy with his friends while singing karaoke.

Jim was also known for being a saavy consumer. He made sure to research products from every possible angle to ensure the best deal before he actually purchased it. Any time Ken and I were unsure about a particular purchase, Ken would say, "Let me ask my Dad." We always knew we could count on him to know the answer…or to find out the answer.

There are so many memories that I have of Jim, but the ones I cherish the most are the ones of him with his grandchildren. He was a hands-on kind of grandfather - the kind that sat on the floor right next to them, the kind that lifted them up to show them the view from where he stood - way up high- the kind that shared his recliner and snuggled with them, the kind that could be heard giggling with them - their squeals of laughter mixed with his boyish laugh.

Jim was a concerned parent, a thoughtful father-in-law, and a doting grandfather. I couldn't have asked for anyone better. We will miss his guidance, his advice, and his love.